Keep It in Your Circle

By National Master Evan Rabin

Dealing with new school situations and navigating COVID while still having to work is overwhelming so many new things to consider. Just like with chess, being strategic on what your next move will be in navigating the process on is key, and  for  many families, it’s childcare. Moms and dads need first-hand advice and insights to vet sitters, find the right day cares and get the real scoop on nursery schools. Getting quality info to navigate this process can be tough… and access to an established network in your new community can make all the difference in the world.

“When it’s new it can feel completely overwhelming,” says Liza Maltz, founder of Have a Nanny, Need a Nanny, a site that connects families looking for in-home care and support referrals. “Where do I look? Who do I talk to? What—or who—is the right fit?” Too often, she says, this can be paralyzing to families. “Sometimes you get frozen—it’s a lot to think about and you’re bringing a stranger into your home.”

Community, she says, is central to overcoming these hurdles and finding that right fit. Her members-only site connects parent to parent, with direct care recommendations and referrals in New York City and beyond.

“Whether it’s a nanny, housekeeping, dog walker, baby nurse, tutor, sports coaches , trainers—it’s always best to go right to the source,” says Liza. “Ask that mom or dad what their experience has been like. What is that nanny’s take on discipline? How do they deal with healthcare? Is the tutor reliable? Was the coach encouraging ? You could interview someone and ask, but it’s so easy for that nanny or tutor to say what they think you want to hear—ask that mom or dad and they’re not going to say something just to appease you. They’re going to tell you the truth.”

This direct connection, Liza says, is especially important for families with specific wants or requirements. If your child has special needs, for example, by connecting with other special needs parents you can dig into a nanny or sitter’s experience and how she reacts to common challenges.

“Ask how that sitter works with a child on the spectrum,” says Liza. “Or maybe you’re welcoming baby #2 and want to know how a sitter really manages days with a toddler and an infant.” They’re considerations, Liza notes, that are critical to care success—but it’s all very hard to vet when you’re just interviewing a childcare provider or checking her self-supplied references.

Determining your unique care needs 

Childcare, though, is just one care consideration when either heading to a new community or starting a new way of life amid a pandemic. Once in the ‘burbs, many families are in search of tutors, dog walkers, housekeepers and even specialized support like drivers, personal chefs, elder care and baby nurses. And once easily able to drop off in the morning many parents who still have to go into the office will have kids home 2-3 days or fully distance learning.

“We’re also seeing a huge spike in homeschooling conversations,” Liza says. “Parents don’t know what’s happening in September and want to plan ahead—they also don’t want to have their kids in and out of school all year. So they’re creating home school pods, hiring former teachers to teach their kids—and they’re leaning on their extended communities for recommendations.”

How to find the right care in for your family. 

No matter the care you’re looking for, when tapping into your fellow parents for recommendations and referrals, Liza has a few suggestions. First, she says, be mindful of where you’re getting insights and intel—and direct is always best.

“Before COVID-19 I’d tell people to meet up in-person—now I recommend a video call,” Liza says. “If someone really loves their nanny or baby nurse and wants to see them go to a great family next, that mom or dad will happily meet up for a cup of coffee or jump on a quick Zoom call.” Don’t just talk on the phone, she adds—you might not be chatting with a real reference. “It could be a friend of that sitter—or the sitter! Go face to face and you avoid that.”

During that conversation, Liza advises, take the opportunit3y to dig into specific priorities and preferences—what’s most important to your family when it comes to care.

“It’s about aligning on values,” Liza says. “What’s most important to you and your family — does this sitter sync? For me, for example, I didn’t want a nanny who treated my baby like a ‘baby. I didn’t want him constantly held all day. I wanted the nanny playing with him, on the floor, engaging him. So during interviews, those are questions I would ask: was the nanny constantly holding the baby, or was she really engaging the baby?”

No matter your values, though, there’s always one question Liza recommends asking: “what’s something that bothered you about this particular nanny? Because let’s face it, you can have a best friend in the world and there’s something they do that ticks you off. Find out what that one thing is now, and see if you can live with it.”

Ultimately, choosing care for your family—be it childcare, tutors, dog walking or, simply, someone to clean your house—is a major decision. The more streamlined you can make it—and the more often you can get it “right” the first time, the easier you’ll be able to transition into your new town. And we find many members join for one reason but end of staying if they might need help in a pinch!

“You want the mom saying, ‘Oh my G-d, have I got the nanny for you. You want the person who works, but who’s also aligned with your expectations,” Liza says. “That only comes when you tap into a community—when you ask other parents. On my site, only parents can list nannies—and they do so because these moms and dads are invested in finding an amazing new family for their sitters. That, to me, is extremely telling. Those are the nannies you start with.”

In addition to referrals, Liza will be offering a ton of free webinars for parents including everything from parenting specialists to lawyers and pediatricians check out haveananny.com events page and sign up for their newsletter to stay in the know.

Become a member of the #haveananny #needananny community here. Use code  ELITE  for $10 off a one year membership

Liza Maltz is a Birth doula & the President and Founder of Haveananny.com a parent to parent referral service focused on streamlining the process of finding a caregiver , by interviewing other parents . When shes not helping families in the delivery room and running haveananny.com , Liza enjoys NYC and all it has to offer as well as spending time with her son and two small pups!